


waverly earp (a crafty fox)

by wavverlyearp



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 19:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavverlyearp/pseuds/wavverlyearp
Summary: We all have our demons, but Waverly Earp's demon is no longer in her head and Jolene isn't going anywhere without a fight, a fight Waverly isn't sure she wants to win.(3.05 spoilers)





	waverly earp (a crafty fox)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a little different to the stuff I normally write and I wasn't sure about posting it, but oh well I'm going to anyway.
> 
> so, this is a little ball of angst and what waverly was thinking in THAT scene in 3.05 with Jolene (if you don't know what I am on about, go watch the episode first).
> 
> <3

_in every angel, a demon hides_

 

* * *

 

 

Waverly Earp, a crafty fox, someone who had nothing to live for.

 

Waverly could feel her hands shaking as she gripped the knife tightly, the sharp blade pointing at her chest. With one movement of her hands, it would pierce her skin, her lungs, her heart, draining her, leaving her with nothing but pain, pain which she was starting to believe she deserved.

 

As Waverly held the knife, she couldn't help but notice how right it felt, how much she wanted to just give in, to push the blade through her chest, to do what everyone just wished she would. She felt like she deserved this.

 

Maybe she did.

 

Waverly could hear Jolene talking, but she wasn’t taking in the words, they didn’t mean anything to the brunette. Every sound was muffled, the only sounds that Waverly could make sense of was her own short sharp breaths, the sobs escaping from her lips and her heart beat pounding in her chest, reaching out for the end of the blade.

 

_This feels right._

 

Waverly had known Jolene for a long time, they’d been _friends since forever,_ and she trusted her. If Jolene said this was best, then maybe it was.

 

When Waverly looked back, she couldn’t picture Jolene, she wasn’t at the many birthday parties or funerals that Waverly had attended over the years. But just because Waverly couldn’t always see Jolene, it didn’t mean that she wasn’t there. There had always been a voice telling Waverly she was never good enough, that nobody cared enough to stick around, that maybe she’d do less damage if she wasn’t around that cause it. That voice had told her that was why her mother had left her, why Wynonna drifted in and out of her life without a care in the world, why Nicole didn’t care if she called her.

 

People got sick of her, the smile and wave wasn’t enough, she was never enough.

 

She wasn’t enough for Champ, or maybe she was too much. All he wanted was a body and he was given one with a brain and a mouth that wouldn't stop talking.

 

She wasn’t enough for Nicole, or maybe she was too much. Maybe Nicole would have been happier with Shae. Maybe if Waverly had just left Nicole she’d be better off, happier, instead of being caught in a curse she shouldn’t have gotten involved with. Nicole would be safe without her.

 

She wasn’t enough for Wynonna, and she knew she was too much. She had spent years researching and desperately clinging to the curse, the curse Wynonna had spent her life running from and Waverly had dragged her back in, made her fight something she didn’t want to. Wynonna had saved Waverly countless times, and maybe, just maybe, if she had spent less time concentrating on saving Waverly, she could have saved Dolls.

 

Maybe Dolls was dead because Waverly could never save herself.

 

Because she wasn’t enough.

 

She wasn’t anything.

 

Waverly Earp, a crafty fox, someone extraordinary. But when she looked in the mirror, all the brunette saw was a broken empty shell of a person that she no longer recognised.

 

Waverly Earp, the Earp who wasn’t even an Earp. Cursed by a family she didn’t even belong to, a family who didn’t need her, who didn’t want her. She’d spent years desperately clinging to a name, a name that meant nothing to her, a curse she could never break. She felt useless.

 

Maybe she was useless.

 

Jolene said she was.

 

Waverly had tried so hard to hold onto something, anything, anyone in her life, but everything and everyone left her. She was a fuck up, and everything was too much.

 

But she could hold onto the knife, and unless she wanted it to, it wasn’t going anywhere.

 

_It’s all too much._

 

And Waverly didn’t know how to make it stop.

 

But Jolene did.

 

Jolene was telling her, whispering in her ear, promising an ending to a suffering, a suffering that Waverly no longer knew if she was causing or living.

 

Waverly looked down at the knife, she moved it closer, so close that the point of the blade was against her chest, so she could feel the pressure against her skin.

 

Maybe she deserved this.

 

Maybe it was better this way.

 

Wynonna could break the curse without a distraction, Nicole could be with someone who deserved her, someone who wasn’t Waverly, who didn’t lie and keep things from the ones she claimed to love. Someone loyal, someone who was on their side, the teams side.

 

Waverly felt the tears dripping down her cheeks, flooding her face as she understood why. Why she was alone, why she was the one here, why Jolene was the only one here with her, why the blade pressing hard agsint her chest, on the verge of breaking her skin, felt like it belonged there.

 

She was a demon, a monster, Doc had said so, _it makes sense_.

 

Waverly’s hands were trembling now, her palms sweating and her knuckles white as her grip tightened.

 

One push.

 

One push and that’d be it.

 

Everything would stop.

 

Jolene’s voice was getting louder, telling her to _just do it_ , telling Waverly how she was _worthless_ , and Waverly agreed with her.

 

She was worthless.

 

 _A deep breathe in,_ Waverly thought to herself. _A deep breath in, a deep breath out and it’ll be over._

So Waverly took a deep breath in before Jolene’s voice rang through her ears.

 

_Because nobody loves you either._

Waverly felt her grip on the knife loosen.

 

She made a mistake. She had lied to Wynonna, but she knew, she knew that Wynonna loved her. Waverly knew if she ever needed anyone, Wynonna was there for her. And yes, Wynonna had left her in the past, but she also knew Wynonna wasn’t going anywhere now, and Wynonna only saved Waverly because she loved her.

 

_Wynonna loves me, always._

Nicole loved her too. Nicole couldn’t stop telling Waverly how much she loved her, every morning, every night, every time they held each other close an _I love you_ fell from Nicole’s lips.

 

_Nicole loves me._

Waverly thought of what losing Nicole would do to her, how she wouldn’t be able to function, how everything would remind her of Nicole, how her bed would feel empty and her how mornings would be without Nicole’s soft smiles and how _nothing_ in this world was worth that smile.

 

Waverly always did her best to push the voice away, the voice of insecurities, of doubts and demons, telling her nobody loved her, telling her she didn’t deserve Nicole, or anybody, that she was a grenade waiting to go off and hurt anybody who got too close. Waverly always just took a deep breath and told herself it wasn't true.

 

Waverly was always stronger.

 

She never gave up.

 

Jolene’s voice was louder and more powerful than any other demon Waverly had ever faced, both in her head and out of it, but that’s all Jolene was. She was simply a voice, a voice driven off Waverly’s own self-deprecation, picking at all her weakness and deepest insecurities, exploiting her fears and breaking Waverly from the inside out, turning the brunette against herself.

 

But Waverly didn’t have to listen.

 

She wasn’t going to listen.

 

She was stronger than this.

 

So much stronger.

 

The knife clattered to the ground as Waverly threw it, Jolene’s screams echoing through the darkened room.

 

Everything was a blur, the tears staining her vison, the pain numbing her senses as Jolene threw her to the ground, but Waverly stood back up.

 

She was not giving up, not now, not ever.

 

When she stood, her were legs trembling as adrenaline cursed through her veins, the world spinning around her, but Waverly felt strong.

 

_Not as much as I love her._

Wynonna’s voice was distant, but the bullet close, Jolene flinching as it hit her.

 

Waverly’s legs gave in.

 

Before Waverly could take in what was happeing, Wynonna was there, kneeling beside her.

 

It was okay.

 

Wynonna had come for her, because she loved her, because Jolene was wrong.

 

“Don’t let the bitch get away.” Waverly said, Wynonna smiling as she went after Jolene.

 

Waverly stayed where she was for a moment, trying to catch her breath.

 

She may not be an Earp by blood, but Waverly knew that she was an Earp in her soul, and whilst she might not always recognise herself, she had so many people who were there to remind her who she was.

 

Waverly Earp, a crafty fox, someone who was stronger than her demons.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed that (not sure enjoyed is the right word to use there) and please let me know if you did, either in the comments or on twitter/tumblr (@earpsolano). let me know if I should write more things like this?? idk, but yeah :))
> 
> x


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